Sir Spam-a-Lot

I'm sick of spam. Not the meaty kind, although I find that a little disgusting, as well. No, the kind that promises me I can see "nude pictures of Paris Hilton" and "penetrate my partner for hours!!" (Ouch.) I'm sick of Canadian doctors trying to send me medicine for my erectile dysfunction problem (seriously, this is a problem for me since I HAVE NO PENIS), and telling me my pharmacy order from Walgreen's is ready when I haven't even placed one. I know their stocks are HOT HOT HOT, and so are their Lolitas, but I'm just not interested, I tell you.

Why would they think I'm stupid enough to click on anything from Nigeria that promises me I can earn a million dollars if I'd just send them all my bank account information right away? And I know I haven't bought any tickets in the Royal London Bank lottery...lately...so why or why do they keep sending me this stuff?

I am happy to know that my home mortgage loan cleared for the bazillionth time today, and that I can get Calais at half price, but I'm a little nervous to learn that if I am a lesbian, I can attract any woman I want using Alpha Pheromones NOW. Still, knowing I can get clearance weapons at $1000 discount is probably even freakier--I'd rather make love, not war, but I'd really rather do that with my dear hubby and not Paris Hilton. Really.

However, on the positive side, I have found one use for spam. As a writer, I'm constantly in search of intriguing and different names. The list of names that masquerade in the "from" block of most spam mail is quite handy. So, next book I write, you'll be saying hello to Geneva Tereasa and Miss Betty Motumba. :-)

Good night, Geneva, wherever you are.

TJB